Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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