my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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