Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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