just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
