This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
