I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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