im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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