think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
