I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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