my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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