Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
