I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
