Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
