he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
