its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
