he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
