I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
