fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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