So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
