doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
