You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
