I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
