I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
