Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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