Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize