I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
