Soap is not a condiment
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am naked and annoyed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
