Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
