she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
