I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
