i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
