I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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