Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
