he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
