I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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