seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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