I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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