Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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