so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
