i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize