What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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