I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
