Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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