I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
