listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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