i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
