I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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