Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
