There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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