i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
