i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is my gift to your gina
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
