i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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