it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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