Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
