This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
