I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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