WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
More tranny stories later!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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