I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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