I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize